Holiday Hijinks
Pancho and Lefty went back with each other all the way to St. Ann's school in Wildwood. They were middle-aged now and their real names weren't Pancho and Lefty, but they'd started calling each other that in the early seventies after they'd heard the "Pancho and Lefty" song by Townes Van Zandt.

They were both doing all right. Pancho had a bar in Wildwood called, of course, Pancho's, that was crowded every night during the season, and there were enough regulars during the rest of the year that he made a good living. Lefty had his own construction company and during the building boom in Wildwood, he'd hit it big enough that he took flying lessons and bought the cool bi-plane that he'd always wanted and had big green shamrocks painted on the wings. You might have seen him flying over the beach in the summer, wagging his wings at all his friends.

Now Pancho and Lefty had always needled each other pretty good and played increasingly elaborate practical jokes on each other over the years. Nothing mean or vicious, but they enjoyed getting over on each other, and came up with some pretty creative gags.

The most recent was this: Pancho had slipped one of the janitors over at the Cape May County Chamber of Commerce on the Garden State Parkway fifty bucks to get him a few pieces of stationery and a couple of envelopes with the chamber's letterhead on them. He wrote a letter to Lefty that the chamber had selected him as one of the Outstanding Business Leaders in Cape May County and notifying him that all the local papers would be at the chamber at noon on a certain date for a photo shoot of the awardees. Craftily, he added a sentence that said no response was necessary and that the chamber looked forward to seeing Lefty at the appointed time. He didn't want Lefty contacting the chamber and finding out about the hoax.

Lefty, of course, was as proud as the proverbial peacock, and told everyone he knew about the award. This was in the early fall, and on the big day, all decked out in his best suit and tie, he strutted into the chamber. Five minutes later, Lefty emerged, a deflated balloon. And there was Pancho, leaning out of his car with a camera. He snapped his pal, bellowed "Gotcha!" and roared away.

Lefty had to admit, after he'd gotten over his embarrassment and anger, that it had been a pretty good stunt. He stayed out of Pancho's bar because he knew that the story would already be legend there, and when he met a Pancho's regular on the street, he endured their razzing with a wan smile and a middle finger.

And he plotted his payback.

Thanksgiving passed, and the Christmas season approached. The island settled into its winter routines and the memory of Lefty's humiliation dimmed in the anticipatory glow of the holidays. He schemed on, though, rejecting plan after plan to wreak revenge for those terrible moments at the chamber of commerce, still fresh in his mind.

He awoke with a start one night, the perfect idea clear before him, a gift from his subconscious. He chuckled in the night, and the next day began to make the necessary arrangements.

The Wildwoods Holiday Spectacular was an early December tradition on the island, filling the Convention Center and kicking off the Christmas season. It brought an audience both from the island and from all points in the tri-state area and beyond.

This year, the headliner would be Bruce Willis, who was bringing his rock band The Accelerators and his harmonica talents as a tribute to the town where he had worked so long ago. It was the biggest event to hit the Wildwoods in years, and the Convention Center was sold out within hours of the announcement.

The night of the concert, Lefty circled over the Convention Center in his shamrock-winged biplane until he saw headlights start to go on in the parking lot. When he was satisfied there were enough people below, he swooped down, emptied his cargo out the plane window, and soared off into the dark sky, a satisfied grin on his face.

In the parking lot, the five hundred ping-pong balls he had dumped bounced crazily and then were blown hither and thither among the cars by the light breeze. The first concert-goer to pick one up read the message printed on the ball - "Good for One Free Drink at Pablo's" - and began to scramble around the lot to gather as many as he could find. Soon the convention center parking lot was a mass of people chasing ping-pong balls, laughing and calling to each other, a happy treasure hunt for free drinks.

An hour later, Pancho's bar was jammed with ping-pong ball bearers, and Pancho, for the sake of his place's reputation, was unhappily pouring free drink after free drink. It was then that Lefty made his entrance. He headed straight for the bar where Pancho and the other tenders were in perpetual motion.

Pancho looked up and saw Lefty and knowledge flooded his eyes. Lefty opened his mouth wide, and slid his tongue out. On it was one of the fated ping-pong balls. He flicked it onto the bar.

Pancho shook his head and laughed. He poured them both drinks. They touched glasses and Pancho nodded in admiration and toasted his old friend.

"Happy holidays, Lefty."